How to choose a soul mate
The choice of one's half is one of the most important in human life. But it is precisely this issue that people sometimes take very seriously. They do it as if no one had ever created a family before them and they are doing it for the first time. That is, from the wind its head. How to choose? Let's start with the qualities that we want to see in the future (future) spouse.
Of course, all people are different, no two are alike. And everyone should look for a couple according to the criteria that seem to him the most important and necessary. Therefore, we will not dwell too much on this. Usually, when a lecture is given on the topic of family relations, the lecturer asks those present themselves to identify the qualities of future elects. Now there is no such possibility, so I’ll stop briefly on only a few.
For the wife, the main thing is not beauty, but kindness
Let's start with the choice of the bride. F. M. Dostoevsky reasoned: “Which one to marry - the beautiful or the good? I will marry a good woman to love me and spare me. ” I think many people know the Russian proverb: “Choose a fur coat is warmer, and your wife is kinder”. This does not mean that the wife should be ugly. Just not this should be the main thing.Beauty, wealth, power, fame are the most impermanent things in the world, and marriage is an eternity.
Rev. Ambrose of Optina said: "Where the voice is, there is a devil." That is where the talent is, there is often pride. The same can be said about bodily beauty. A handsome man is often spoiled by the attention of the opposite sex and suffers from inflated self-esteem. Often a man wants to have a beautiful woman next to him, because it flatters his vanity. Speaking in modern language, men often brag to each other: I have the most beautiful and cool car (machine). Forgetting that they are stealing in the first place just the prestigious and expensive cars. A man who chooses a wife for beauty can lose her very quickly.
Also, do not forget that jealousy is one of the most uncontrollable feelings.
There is an expression: they do not go beyond merits, but rather from disadvantages. It is necessary to objectively evaluate: are there many of them, what are the most terrible ones and can we get along with such disadvantages? That is why the mind should not be blinded by passion. A person who has lost his head from being in love cannot be objective, he, speaking in spiritual language, is in delusion, that is, deceived.Why do you need to know and appreciate the shortcomings of a loved one? To understand whether you pull such a burden. Believe me, re-educating a person is an almost impossible task. It is very important to look at what family your darling is from, how and by whom she was raised. If she has a conflict with her parents, this conflict will surely pass into your family. However, the same applies to the choice of the groom.
And finally, the most important thing. A girl should have the same faith with you and preferably one national culture. Although there are other opinions on this subject, I believe that to church for a spouse (or spouse) is a difficult task, and the boat of family happiness can break about it.
Saint-Exupéry wrote that "lovers should not look at each other, but in one direction." And for us, this is the eastern (altar) side, the most important one: faith is one, God is one. Again, the issue of raising children in a family where there is no unity of faith is very problematic.
Why did I talk about national culture? First, at the heart of any culture lies the cult (religion).
And secondly, I will give an example (it is taken from the audio recording of the conversation of the teacher E. A. Avdeenko with the senior pupils “Transitional age. How to get married correctly.” Radonezh Studio).The ambassadors of the Chinese emperor arrived in Europe for the first time and saw oil paintings. They were depicted horses, landscapes, still lifes, faces, but the Chinese did not see the pictures, they saw only pale spots. They are accustomed to another culture, where there was no such painting. Perhaps a person of another culture will not see the things that you see. Although, I will make a reservation, this question is controversial, and the difference of cultures is not a serious drawback.
Husband must be responsible
Something we are all about women but about brides. We must finally turn to the men, for the husband is the head of the family, the head of the wife. By and large, all of the above can be attributed to the choice of a spouse. I dwell, perhaps, on one quality, which should be inherent in her husband, - responsibility.
I conducted a small survey among women I knew on the topic: “What should a real man be? There was another option: loyalty. But loyalty is one of the manifestations of responsibility.
The spouse will give an account to God not only for himself, but also for his wife and children, and the Lord will ask him. Being the head does not mean being a tyrant, a tyrant.A real husband has no right to say bad things about his wife, he thereby signs his sentence: you are a bad husband, you are a bad lord of your house. I will say as a priest: the majority of family conflicts happen because the husband cannot (and more often does not want) to bear the burden of power.
In conclusion, I note that the head of the family does not have to be a brilliant leader and organizer, but he must be able to make decisions and be responsible for them.
When choosing a future spouse, girls need to be very careful not to confuse despotism, selfishness and lust for power with firmness, determination and responsibility.
Priest Pavel Gumerov